welcome to limbo

1. angst is a strange fickle beast, and suddenly i find myself cuddled in its prickly bosom again. emotional instability has been a recurring motif this entire year (life?), and it seems the master-slave relationship remains very much against my favour.

2. with no intention of slighting any of my fabulously single friends, allow me to don my ObviousMan costume and loudly proclaim: all the good ones are taken!

3. alas, harbinger of destitution, thy name is DVD.

4. despite the huge blow this may inflict on my carefully-embossed-but-ultimately-virtual street cred, i actually really enjoyed jay chou's secret, nevermind its porous logic. it's then i realise the simple umm secret *cue ObviousMan enter stage left* lies in having characters (i.e. the lead girl) that resonate in you, which provide a seismic, viscerally affective experience that not even gaping loopholes can distract from. looking back at all the films/shows/books i've liked i realise -sheepish at my apparent aptitude for ObviousMan powers- that this has always been the one veto factor which differentiated the great from the good. vicarious living, the escapist's opiate.

5. i've willed myself to stopped whining about work (editor's note: regarding which the degree and extent of negativity remains surprising even to myself) and so far i'm keeping with the programme, though not before substantial damage has been inflicted upon my well-meaning friends. a shame, really, and another reason why self-insulation is probably a more viable short-term solution. -ignores murmurs on "what about in the long-term"- it is food for thought though, that if i'm feeling like that now, what state i'd be in when we swing back to normal work weeks. nothing like such notions to warm one's cockles.

6. by a stroke of sheer obviously-never-use-the-lock-function-before (some call it stupidity), i am now the proud owner of a new bauble. apparent rip-off aside, it sounds sweet - though now i've to struggle to desist getting the final piece of my acoustic wet-dream. if only i was getting a bonus... unbridled consumerism aside, the positive fallout is my dad getting all excited in inheriting my hey-it's-actually-still-alive precioussss-for-the-past-two-years, and sifting through his sea of CDs (i'm beginning to see where my DVD affliction comes from) to get me to rip out the very best. and voila! suddenly i'm inundated with tons of 费玉清, 邓丽君, 林淑容, 李茂山, 罗时丰, 蔡琴, etc , which amuses -and excites- me no end. the renaming-file-data process is another story altogether though.

7. interestingly -for me at least- that i choose to eschew sleep time to blog now is indicative of my current state of mind, work-wise.

8. on some levels, i think i just miss having someone take top spot in my heart, and vice versa.

9. funerals aside, we don't get many chances gather all those who are important to us at one time and space and speak freely, unabashedly, wholeheartedly (damn oriental stoicness). a great pity, then, that the wedding speech this evening was so pedestrian and event-management-ey. i *will* do better.

dipole

between the cadet-like steel to endure and the incessant murmurs that i should just screw it all, i scream my silent scream.

sliding doors

past two weeks flew past in a flash, and suddenly i'm back in not-so-sunny singapore, where the roads are peaceful, you do not constantly get reminded that your sense of smell is intact, and the air doesn't seem to adopt a Desert Storm texture.

to be succint, it was a great experience, more so because i saw more negative facets of myself, and that despite those the overall results (specious word to use here since there is no new library/toilet/water harvesting tank at the end of the expedition) were so heartening. top-notch.

i am excited, i am happy, i am intensely grateful.