distant murmurings

1. change is in the air; should be moving house soon if things go according to plan (barring a suddent windfall), after 16 years in this abode. all still tentative though. it is my belief now though that parents should always let their children in on the financial status of the family once they reach their mid-teens; helps in the growing process, especially when local kids are already so sheltered.

2. it feels good to be able to talk freely about everything (and i do mean everything) without fear of judgement; i guess freaks know freaks best. :)

3. rather lost about how to best relate to emily in this post-breakup phase; that we both wish our close friendship continues is beyond question, but i worry whether she can deal with it deep inside. should i consciously stay away for the time being to let her regain her balance? i'd healed fairly quickly once moving home back then with P, but seeing how i didn't exactly change into a very likable person thereafter, i wonder what effect purposeful distancing will have on emily now. got a rather uneasy feeling that she still remains very emotionally dependent on me though, and i fear she will inadvertently never fully move on. it is plausible though that the status quo is affected by stress over pupillage applications; i shall review it again once that, and her internship, is over.

4. sudden urge for a ktv session (or at least, to sing aloud bhb-ly ala back in my hall room); missing all those aca practice sessions and performances.

5. mixed feelings going back to hall; rather detached from it all. perhaps it is only over the past weeks since the sem ended that my mind finally accepted my departure from hall. took quite a while to get my energy levels back on par with the rest like dong and the aca ppl, but after a while i guess my persona gear shifted into place and it was like the old days again, though not quite. happy to meet cs when he came back to take photos in his convo garb, though conversation was a little stunted. really glad that he seemed to be doing well in his insurance dealings; but disappointed jianfa didn't come back with him. kinda miss him, even if we've never really been exactly close.

6. seemed to have forgotten how to make friends; or maybe my brain has decided to stop collecting. for how much i enjoy the company of the aca ppl, can't seem to relate and connect with any of them on a comfortable level, which is a real waste.