突破

milestone number 1 - stoked!

crescendo

quick one:

1. rarely, a song comes along which tugs at your gut as much as it satiates your thirst for vocal pilates, and fits your voice profile exactly - happiness. all credit to the puffer fish. :)

2. unexpectedly, more than impressed by the fort canning foray - a certain benedick in particular, though not to say the others were lacklustre. now i understand the angmoh ex-boss' infatuation with him.

3. weekend was an accidental smorgasbord of social activity - from colleagues marinated in alcohol to blasts from the past to friends-of-friends to old-tshirt-friends to one particular illegal rendezvous. all very invigorating, to cap off a not-too-bad showing for the audition - been a while since i felt such a high. not all roses and strawberries of course, but amazing how the mere notion of life going somewhere, of taking a shaky step towards your dream, of hope, gives that little oomph to one's step, that almost indiscernible shaving of white truffle which changes your palette forever.

4. now that i verbalised it above - i am trying all i can to brace myself for an unfavourable audition result. regardless, it's been a really interesting experience preparing for it, getting to know the eccentric guitarist who i alternately piss off and get along with chummily, and reaffirming my belief that there are many talented people hiding in these hole-in-the-wall music outposts waiting to be discovered. quite psyched.

5. and on that note, this is what it's all about - that moment where everyone forgets they're watching a performance, where everyone allows that one voice to bring their emotions to places they didn't expect to go. stirring.

5. 子夜的地铁车厢里，欲寻你踪影，竟看见前女友 - 仔细聆听，情绪确实没有波动，只感淡淡的黑色幽默。她男友有些邋遢，但还算正派。不是没想过，多年不见在街上偶遇，会是怎样的情景 - 就是没有彩排过在地铁里邂逅。想了想，还是闭上了眼，继续听我的孙燕姿。

6. risking repitition - i am fervently counting down to my last day on level 16. unfortunately it's taken on the rather familiar hue of how i left lux - that is, in a slight mess. i've finally started mopping more committedly, but definitely too late - it's going to be a rough finish for my ego.

最后

还是吞回去了。

想让你知道，不是没有挣扎的。

event horizon II

1. so it really comes to this, 4 jobs in 3 years. funny amalgam of feelings: slight waft of sheepishness for having morphed into one of those musical chairs extraordinaires; little dash of deceitful pride for having kept intact my 100% interview-offer record; huge dose of gratitude to the friends to whom i owe almost all of the best things that have happened to me over the past couple of years. the contrast between what i feel now, and what i felt when i first tendered at CS is amazingly stark though, so much so that i surprise even myself - perhaps this has come late by about, 17 months? i remain grateful for all that has transpired, and have no regrets for the decision back in Sep 2007, but let's just say: it's great to finally not have to fight my gut instincts.

2. only by doing what i believe to be wrong can i have a shot at getting the prize, though this necessarily also precludes the possibility of happily ever after - you cannot deny the dark dank humour of this delicious catch-22, my little personal piece of macbeth. dear deus ex machina - now would be a really swell time to appear, thanks in advance.

自首

定力溃乏的我，在你无心磁场里随波荡漾，颠覆得头破血流。纵然一切是如此的自然奥妙，却要奋力抵抗 - 怎不让人发笑？

但或许更可笑的是，年近三十的人了，还无法主宰自己的情绪 - 显然的，我玩不起。

算了又算，总是得到同一个结论。沉溺于过程但一直回避着最终的结果，是人性也好，愚蠢也好，也该觉悟了。不后悔发生的一切，只恨该随性时过於拘谨，该理性时又过於放任。如今忽然有了久违了的信念与决心：要痊愈，须距你于千里之外。短暂的残忍，能换来少些波澜的人生，且真挚的友谊，也不算太逊的兑换率。

盼有一天能与你回首今日而共笑之，笑这无比拖拉的长跑连续剧，笑这俩天大的傻瓜。