half-full with piss

can't really tell whether it's an isolated dread of the new job virtue of itself, or just a case of extreme withdrawal/rejection. seeing the present lackadaisical me juxtaposed against the now unfamiliarly-driven ex-team-leader-turned-boss , i see the strange reversal of roles, and experience the empathy i was not able to just a few months ago.

in true whiner fashion, the whitewashing of unhappy memories has hastened in the face of this unsavoury situation; suddenly the concept of london hours is actually good (though it is almost unassailable to assume nobody likes waking at 0645 and fighting to get onto a packed train), that 10 hour days are a luxury, that a few years -years!- in the old role would actually be good. particularly the last bit is almost hilarious in its 180 degree reversal, but that doesn't mean i don't entertain it at a subconscious level.

whine whine whine. some things just don't change huh. that being said, it is not just stereotypical motivational-speak to proclaim that i now have a much sharpened idea of what drives me, and what is important to me. i hadn't realised how critical those elements were back then (or maybe i did, at a subconscious level, explaining the emotional toil it took for me to tender), but the idea that i sacrificed those for this is what's killing me inside.

the mumbai thing is starting to get me down as well. seriously, not the best of times when the very things that so propped you up barely a month ago have now become the weights that drag you into the dank abyss of dreariness.

no better time to scream my lungs out at ktv.