selectively epicurean

1. it's not so much the mundanity of work that gets to me, but the apparent lack of a bigger picture to work for. for all the little highlights and minute victories during the day which almost lulls one into imagined contentedness, there is no escaping the silent introspection as you trudge home after all is dark, having no answer to the man in the mirror asking: what do you work for? i am the self-centered kid on the bus, bobbing along to his mp3s in his seat, slowly cowering under the steely gaze of the old uncle standing beside him.

2. if there is to be an upside to having a oh-so-this-is-what-it-feels-like-to-be-roadkill crush, it is the newfound ease and assuredness with which one now interacts with other members of the opposite gender (ummm or whatever your inclination; this author is GBLT-friendly!), without fear that your supposed altruism and friendliness stems from less noble motivations. the lipsmacking irony of course lies in how you can now finally be your true unabashed self towards everyone except for the one that matters most, but i guess one must concede the delicious catch-22-esque humour in that.

3. one more week before i leave, and i start consciously taking stock of all that i'll be leaving behind. the OC was puzzled that i should feel such attachment given my short spell here, and to a certain extent, so am i. perhaps it's the rare instance of reality exceeding initial expectations (i of course refer solely to the people)? rather than imagine what it'd be like if the OC was taken out of the equation, it is precisely the amazing serendipity which brought together this exact mix of elements (yes, catty-HR/resident-office-bitch/cackling-witch-queen-boss inclusive) that finds me deeply grateful. i'm of course indulging in my almost-embarrassingly juvenile sappy sentimentalism again, but i am truly intrigued by the slight romanticism of it all, this crossing of paths, the goodwilled connection between people, however fleeting it may be. one could possibly launch into an entire thesis about how this symptomises the loneliness of the human condition and its accompanying yearning for intimacy, but thankfully for all of us, i'm not the one.

4. getting constantly paralysed by thought and weighing considerations is pissing me off. grow some balls dude.

5. visiting 爱琴海 is always inspiring, more so this time given the revelation that one of the singers is actually a banker by day. it is rather uplifting, nurturing this little dream, even if i'm not doing anything about it as yet. it is then that i realise how much i miss performing back in hall, and that it's been 2 years; it might as well have been another lifetime ago.

6. like real estate you parcel it out to certain special people who cross your paths, sometimes knowingly, other times not. regardless of the size however, you realise years down the road that like embassies, they still hold sovereign over that part of you, and that it never really goes away.

7. it's funny that i always profess to have changed quite a fair bit, whilst old friends insist i'm still the same. i'm just glad i no longer write as sappily as before, but then again, given the previous post, perhaps my old friends are right.

8. either i know a good thing when i see one, or i am simply a prized idiot. in a rare show of certainty, i strongly believe it's both.